stall

I was scrolling through the old blog, trying to calculate when this sickness nonsense ended last time (you don’t want to know, by the way), and I noticed an eerie similarity. My blog, and seemingly my life, stood still in early pregnancy. It appears that nothing happened. Now I know what was happenning, but trust me, it wasn’t worth recording. Except to note that God was faithful then, and he is faithful now.

So here I am again, in that same stall pattern as before. I find myself struggling to resist the temptation to wish this time away. Pregnancy isn’t glamorous for me. I don’t glow. There are certainly wondeful moments, filled with joy and anticipation, but the overarching theme is one of perseverence.

How then should I think about this trial? I realize this sounds dramatic, and when it comes down to it, there FAR worse circumstances than difficulty in pregnancy. But I know myself, and something as trivial as constant nausea/vomitting is enough to take over my thinking. My temptation is to be discontent–wallowing, complaining, or even becoming jealous of those who have easy pregnancies.

An article came to mind as I was wrestling through these thoughts.  It’s a challenge called Don’t Waste Your Cancer by Piper (with notes added by Powlison) and I found the first point particularly helpful.  Thinking about trials (not cancer, in my case) this way is counterintuitive, but thoroughly biblical. My first inclination isn’t one of gratitude and thanks, knowing that God will use this trial for good, ultimately conforming me to the image of his son… my first inclination is to wish it away, therby wasting it!

I’m also reading a book called Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges. He exhorts the reader to war against the subtle sins in their own lives.. like unthankfulness, pride, and selfishness. In his chapter on discontentment he emphasises, “the importance of a firm belief in the sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness of God in ALL the circumstances of our lives.” He goes on to say that “We must believe that the Bible’s teaching about these attributes really is true, and that God has brought these difficult circumstances into our lives for His glory and our ultimate good.”

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest : ). Back to your regularly scheduled Penelope pictures…